career

Stop asking “what do you do?” – ask this instead…

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It seems like every time you meet someone new at a networking event, social gathering, or via an acquaintance the first question people ask, besides the standard “how are you”, is “what do you do?” For some reason I’ve always hated this question. I think it started back when I worked for a manufacturing company because it was always so hard to give a 30 second summary of what I actually did. Sure, my official title was Customer Service Rep., but it really didn’t tell people what I did. Of course, I dealt with customer orders, complaints, and questions, but I also worked on inventory, handled the shipping paperwork, sent invoices, and even helped in various other departments when needed.

It wasn’t just about trying to explain my job, I also had to explain what the company did, which could get technical, but we won’t get into that. But all that aside, what does my job really have to do with me. My job doesn’t define me, I didn’t grow up saying I wanted to be a CSR. Even now with a job title of President, it still doesn’t help you get to know me any better does it?

So, after years of answering and even asking the question “So, what do you do?”, I’ve decided that the phrase is now dead to me. I’ve deleted it from my vocabulary. If you really want to get to know people, start asking them “Who are you, what are you passionate about?”. Here’s why. What you do is such a small part of who you are. Let’s pretend you just asked me “So Jenn, what do you do?” my standard response is “Well Joe, I’m the President of Red Barn Consulting, a sales, marketing, operations, and biz coaching and consulting company. I pretty much handle all the day to day operations and make sure everything gets done.” That’s pretty boring right. You really didn’t learn anything about me – other it’s my responsibility to make sure shit gets done.

Now, let’s pretend you asked me my new go to question about who I am and what I’m passionate about. Here’s how I would respond. “ Hi Joe, thanks for asking! I’m a wife, pet mom to 3 cats and 2 crazy German Shepard puppies, and an avid animal lover. I work for Red Barn Consulting, a sales, marketing, operations, and biz coaching consulting company, and I love what I do because I get to learn new things, work from home so I can spend time with my zoo, and I handle all the operations of the company – I make sure nothing falls through the cracks. I’m also very interested in Real Estate, own a 3 family investment property, plan to get my license eventually, and I LOVE to travel – especially to anywhere in the Caribbean. I have a passion for baking, I’m a neat freak, but I also love spending time outside getting dirty, at the gym, or relaxing in my pool. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies and I’m a Harry Potter dork.”

Which question gave you more insight in to who I really am and what I love to do? Where you able to find anything that we have in common? Asking better questions leads to better conversation and truly tells you about who the person is. I don’t care if you are a CEO, janitor, or mid-level manager. I want to know why we should be connecting. What do we have in common. When it comes to networking, it’s not all business – it is personal and that’s how you make those connections. I want to learn about people, what makes them tick, what do they love to do.

Next time you attend a party, networking event, etc. give my new method a try. And make sure you let me know how it goes. Let’s try to start a new trend!

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Changing Career Gears

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Thanks for following our blog, we have a special treat for you today, a guest blogger. Bill Cox is a local Realtor and a recent graduate of our Business Success Framework course. Enjoy Bill\’s blog and POV on how to handle changing careers after 32 years of teaching!

Fifteen or so years ago, while still in the role as a public school teacher, I remember reading about life in the private sector.  Subsequently, I spent hours in conversation with those actually living the life outside of the school walls – how was their career experience different than mine?

The point-of-departure for that difference seemed to be the fact that they would have two, three, or more careers during their working lives, whereas I knew (at the time) that I would be a teacher for 32 wonderful years, and then simply retire.  Life was fairly status quo as a teacher, sure we got the new stream of eager students each year, the biggest changes for those of us at the school would be which grade we taught in a particular year; perhaps which district school we would be assigned to; and often, which zany, empty-suit principal would be making the speeches.  You can tell I loved the kids far more than the establishment, but that is another story.  I’m an old rock and roller.  A trombonist who back in the day donned long hair and (gasp) wore bell bottoms.  I was probably the student my then empty-suited principal would shake his head at.

So eventually, retirement came.  I had the proverbial party and all was grand until it wasn’t.  I was bored. After seven years of retirement it dawned on me that I needed a challenge, I needed to exercise my brain again.  Here’s what I knew: I loved to work and learn new things.  I loved meeting people,  I love helping people through change, and I love helping by supplying creative solutions to whatever the problem is.

I wasn’t really sure how to use my previous experience – how to find the “right” thing to get me energized. Remember, I had the same career for 30+ years and no, I did not have a resume!  I really needed to get over being at-all tentative and look for some like-minded types.

Who was like me?  Who loved all those things I loved?  He or she needed to be outgoing, imaginative, and absolutely fearless about the unknown.  Flexible and motivated!

I found the master, he was a guy who lived right in town who I knew just to say hello – the indomitable, high-spirited Ted Murphy who was really the ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ Jimmy Stewart character by reputation.  Unlike the movie character George Bailey who ran the local ‘building and loan’, Ted Murphy was a real estate broker of significant renown.  He and I went to lunch where I confessed I didn’t know much about real estate, and even less about private sector business.  He laughed and told me that what mattered was how I viewed people in general and if I was a good guy. And if I had a sense of humor, of course. I liked him even more at this point, I’m a good guy – he’s a good guy.  Sounded like I hit the jackpot!

His final words of wisdom after that faithful lunch and the words that sealed the deal on my post retirement venture are these:  “You’ll learn, but learn it in the context of staying positive, helpful, and wanting a challenge. “  In other words, it isn’t about the money, it isn’t about the sale, it isn’t about how many awards you get it’s about helping people, staying positive and last but surely not least just have some grit and determination.  Ok – I was in.  From that point on, everything got better and better, and if I was concerned about being bored in retirement or becoming somewhat dull or predictable,  – that was never going to happen in this new environment.

So after a couple of years being in this office, all I can say is that the rapport; the dialogue; the zaniness; the jokes (OMG); and just the SPIRIT of it all makes all the situation comedies on television dull by comparison.

About Bill Cox

Bill Cox has been a resident of the Litchfield community since 1987.  He graduated from Scarsdale High School in New York and holds degrees from Columbia University, the University of Bridgeport, and from Western Connecticut State University.  Bill retired from a 30-year teaching career in Westchester County in 2010 and is currently a Realtor for EJ Murphy Realty.  Bill and his wife, Trudy, live on Avalon Lane in Bantam where they raised their two children.

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What drives you matters

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Y’all know I’m a huge fan of Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” (ps affiliate link). His philosophy states that people don’t buy what you do or how you do it, they buy based on WHY you do what you do.  That WHY is what creates brand evangelists, followers, groupies – they drank the proverbial Kool-Aid of you and your brand. It’s kind of magical on so many levels.  #gamechanger

Here’s the thing, what motivates you to act matters.  When your WHY motivates you, you have a sense of thrill, a sense of pride, and a sense of calm about your actions even about the unknown.  I’m not suggesting it isn’t scary at times, but your deep seeded emotional motivations will carry you in an amazing way IF you remember WHY you started on the course you did.  Kind of sounds like marriage therapy – doesn’t it?  When couples are at a rough patch, therapists will often ask them to remember WHY they were drawn to each other in the beginning? Why did they fall in love?  What do they love about each other?  The WHY motivation is no different.  What drives you should not only inspire you, it should inspire others.

It’s the same thing when it comes to everything else in life – business, friendships, marriages, hobbies – it doesn’t matter.  What drives you DOES matter.

Compare the WHY scenario  to a fight or flight motivation.  You do something, you take action because you have to, because you are afraid of the consequences or perhaps because you are being forced.  There is no positive emotional connection to the action, it doesn’t bring you joy – the end result, nor the journey

When it comes to being an entrepreneur, I can promise you this is by far one of the most important things to grasp.  You MUST be emotionally and deeply connected to what you are doing if you want long term success.  You must believe in your WHY, so that others will believe it and more importantly so that passion will carry you through the rough patches.

When you don’t love Mondays ( beyond Simon this is my other favorite topic to rant on and on about) – you are in the wrong career, in the wrong space.  If you own a business and dread Mondays you are not driven by your WHY you are driven by a fight or flight.  I’m not talking one bad Monday, I’m talking “Sunday 2pm OMG tomorrow it all starts over type of I hate Mondays”.

What drives you to succeed matters, and it should never be about money. #gamechanger (TWEET THIS)

Money is a fight or flight motivator.  You fear not having enough.  You take actions based on how much you will earn or how much it will cost.  You aren’t driven by your WHY.  Think about that for a minute, I mean really think it through.  How are you motivated?

Sit down and make a list of 10 things that bring you joy, 10 things that you are really great at and 10 things that you want to accomplish in the next 5 years.  If less than 50% of them align with what you are doing right now career wise – consider the possibility that you are not in the right space and that you are driven by some motivations that aren’t aligning with your WHY.

If money is on the joy list – think about why and consider a rethink. What about money brings you joy?  Is it the security?  If so – change the word to security 🙂  just a little mindfulness tip.

This stuff matters, don’t brush it off.  When you grasp this and practice it – it’s a big time #gamechanger

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